There is no specific advice on how to use your body language. What you do might be interpreted in several ways, depending on the setting and who you are talking to. You’ll probably want to use your body language differently when talking to your boss compared to when you talk to a girl/guy you’re interested in. These are some common interpretations of body language and often more effective ways to communicate with your body.
First, to change your body language you must be aware of your body language. Notice how you sit, how you stand, how you use you hands and legs, what you do while talking to someone.
You might want to practice in front of a mirror. Yeah, it might seem silly but no one is watching you. This will give you good feedback on how you look to other people and give you an opportunity to practise a bit before going out into the world.
Another tip is to close your eyes and visualize how you would stand and sit to feel confident, open and relaxed or whatever you want to communicate. See yourself move like that version of yourself. Then try it out.
You might also want observe friends, role models, movie stars or other people you think has good body language. Observe what they do and you don’t. Take bits and pieces you like from different people. Try using what you can learn from them.
Some of these tips might seem like you are faking something. But fake it til you make it is a useful way to learn something new. And remember, feelings work backwards too. If you smile a bit more you will feel happier. If you sit up straight you will feel more energetic and in control. If you slow down your movements you’ll feel calmer. Your feelings will actually reinforce your new behaviours and feelings of weirdness will dissipate.
In the beginning easy it’s to exaggerate your body language. You might sit with your legs almost ridiculously far apart or sit up straight in a tense pose all the time. That’s ok. And people aren’t looking as much as you think, they are worrying about their own problems. Just play around a bit, practice and monitor yourself to find a comfortable balance.
1. Don’t cross your arms or legs – You have probably already heard you shouldn’t cross your arms as it might make you seem defensive or guarded. This goes for your legs too. Keep your arms and legs open.
2. Have eye contact, but don’t stare – If there are several people you are talking to, give them all some eye contact to create a better connection and see if they are listening. Keeping too much eye-contact might creep people out. Giving no eye-contact might make you seem insecure. If you are not used to keeping eye-contact it might feel a little hard or scary in the beginning but keep working on it and you’ll get used to it.
3. Don’t be afraid to take up some space – Taking up space by for example sitting or standing with your legs apart a bit signals self-confidence and that you are comfortable in your own skin.
4. Relax your shoulders – When you feel tense it’s easily winds up as tension in your shoulders. They might move up and forward a bit. Try to relax. Try to loosen up by shaking the shoulders a bit and move them back slightly.
5. Nod when they are talking – nod once in a while to signal that you are listening. But don’t overdo it and peck like Woody Woodpecker.
6. Don’t slouch, sit up straight – but in a relaxed way, not in a too tense manner.
7. Lean, but not too much – If you want to show that you are interested in what someone is saying, lean toward the person talking. If you want to show that you’re confident in yourself and relaxed lean back a bit. But don’t lean in too much or you might seem needy and desperate for some approval. Or lean back too much or you might seem arrogant and distant.
8. Smile and laugh – lighten up, don’t take yourself too seriously. Relax a bit, smile and laugh when someone says something funny. People will be a lot more inclined to listen to you if you seem to be a positive person. But don’t be the first to laugh at your own jokes, it makes you seem nervous and needy. Smile when you are introduced to someone but don’t keep a smile plastered on your face, you’ll seem insincere.
9. Don’t touch your face – it might make you seem nervous and can be distracting for the listeners or the people in the conversation.
10. Keep you head up - Don’t keep your eyes on the ground, it might make you seem insecure and a bit lost. Keep your head up straight and your eyes towards the horizon.
11. Slow down a bit – this goes for many things. Walking slower not only makes you seem more calm and confident, it will also make you feel less stressed. If someone addresses you, don’t snap you’re neck in their direction, turn it a bit more slowly instead.
12. Don’t fidget – try to avoid, phase out or transform fidgety movement and nervous ticks such as shaking your leg or tapping your fingers against the table rapidly. You’ll seem nervous and fidgeting can be a distracting when you try to get something across. Declutter your movements if you are all over the place. Try to relax, slow down and focus your movements.
13. Use your hands more confidently – instead of fidgeting with your hands and scratching your face use them to communicate what you are trying to say. Use your hands to describe something or to add weight to a point you are trying to make. But don’t use them to much or it might become distracting. And don’t let your hands flail around, use them with some control.
14. Lower your drink – don’t hold your drink in front of your chest. In fact, don’t hold anything in front of your heart as it will make you seem guarded and distant. Lower it and hold it beside your leg instead.
15. Realise where you spine ends – many people (including me until recently) might sit or stand with a straight back in a good posture. However, they might think that the spine ends where the neck begins and therefore crane the neck forward in a Montgomery Burns-pose. Your spine ends in the back of your head. Keep you whole spine straight and aligned for better posture.
16. Don’t stand too close –one of the things we learned from Seinfeld is that everybody gets weirded out by a close-talker. Let people have their personal space, don’t invade it.
17. Mirror - Often when you get along with a person, when the two of you get a good connection, you will start to mirror each other unconsciously. That means that you mirror the other person’s body language a bit. To make the connection better you can try a bit of proactive mirroring. If he leans forward, you might lean forward. If she holds her hands on her thighs, you might do the same. But don’t react instantly and don’t mirror every change in body language. Then weirdness will ensue.
You can change your body language but as all new habits it takes a while. Especially things like keeping you head up might take time to correct if you have spent thousands of days looking at your feet. And if you try and change to many things at once it might become confusing and feel overwhelming.
Take a couple of these body language bits to work on every day for three to four weeks. By then they should have developed into new habits and something you’ll do without even thinking about it. If not, keep on until it sticks. Then take another couple of things you’d like to change and work on them.
25 Examples of Body Language
They say a picture paints a thousand words - and the same can certainly be said for gestures. We all subconsciously give away hints as to our true feelings, through our movements and gestures. This is a list of 25 examples of body language.
Gesture: Brisk, erect walk
Meaning: Confidence
Gesture: Standing with hands on hips
Meaning: Readiness, aggression
Gesture: Sitting with legs crossed, foot kicking slightly
Meaning: Boredom
Gesture: Sitting, legs apart
Meaning: Open, relaxed
Gesture: Arms crossed on chest
Meaning: Defensiveness
Gestures 6 - 10
Gesture: Walking with hands in pockets, shoulders hunched
Meaning: Dejection
Gesture: Hand to cheek
Meaning: Evaluation, thinking
Gesture: Touching, slightly rubbing nose
Meaning: Rejection, doubt, lying
Gesture: Rubbing the eye
Meaning: Doubt, disbelief
Gesture: Hands clasped behind back
Meaning: Anger, frustration, apprehension
Gesture: Locked ankles
Meaning: Apprehension
Gesture: Head resting in hand, eyes downcast
Meaning: Boredom
Gesture: Rubbing hands
Meaning: Anticipation
Gesture: Sitting with hands clasped behind head, legs crossed
Meaning: Confidence, superiority
Gesture: Open palm
Meaning: Sincerity, openness, innocence
Gesture: Pinching bridge of nose, eyes closed
Meaning: Negative evaluation
Gesture: Tapping or drumming fingers
Meaning: Impatience
Gesture: Steepling fingers
Meaning: Authoritative
Gesture: Patting/fondling hair
Meaning: Lack of self-confidence; insecurity
Gesture: Quickly tilted head
Meaning: Interest
Gesture: Stroking chin
Meaning: Trying to make a decision
Gesture: Looking down, face turned away
Meaning: Disbelief
Gesture: Biting nails
Meaning: Insecurity, nervousness
Gesture: Pulling or tugging at ear
Meaning: Indecision
Gesture: Prolonged tilted head
Meaning: Boredom
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The subtle lexicon of body gestures or body language can teach you a lot about yourself and people around you.
Tiny tots use it. Teenagers revel in it. Elders disguise under it. Advertisements survive on it, election campaigns drive it, and your neighbor practices it.
Welcome to a session of body language—a cluster of physical movements and gestures that convey all forms of emotions. Rapunzel may "shiver" at the sight of the witch or Juliet may "sigh" for Romeo. Without body language, cartoon strips like Archie, Calvin and Hobbes or Asterix could never have been effective.
But body language is more than just a quiver or shiver. In their book Social Psychology: Understanding Human Action, psychologists Robert A. Baron and Donn Byrne explain: "Information (about other people's behavior) is often provided by 'nonverbal cues' relating to others' facial expressions, eye contact, and body posture... Our current moods or emotions are often reflected in posture, position and movement of our bodies. Such nonverbal cues are usually termed body language."
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Here's an example: A man waiting for departure time in an airport sits in a rigid, upright position with ankles locked. His hands are clenched together in one big fist, while he rhythmically massages one thumb against the other. These gestures indicate a nervous attitude, perhaps a fear of flying.
Another classic example of body language can be found in an elevator. When there are a few people inside, they usually lean against the elevator's walls. When more people enter, they occupy the corners. If the elevator gets crowded, every occupant turns to face the door. As American psychologist Layne Longfellow explains: "Hands, purses and briefcases hang down in front of the body. There is a tendency to look upward and avoid touching the other person." In the process, every muscle gets tense. People seem "taller and thinner", and anyone breaking this "elevator etiquette" is sneered at.
Both environment and heredity influence body language. A baby's yawn or hungry bellow are biological signs and therefore universal. But a display of anger is person-specific: while some may throw tantrums, others may simply clam up.
Most of these responses stem from childhood habits and environment. Your sense of territory is also an inherited faculty that affects body language. Dr. Edward T. Hall, an anthropologist, in his study of man in relation to personal space, coined the term 'proxemics' to describe his observation about zones of territory and how to use them.
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According to Dr Hall, there are four distinct zones-intimate zone (close friendship or parent-child relationships), personal zone (used during personal discussions), social distance (social or business relationships), and public distance (speaker and audience distance). These zones are further subdivided into close phase and far phase, depending upon the relationship. Body language differs according to the relevant zone.
Body language is also culture dependent. Some commonly used signs are 'thumbs-up' (all the best) or 'V' for (victory or peace). But if 'V' is shown with palms facing inward, it signifies obscenity. In India, gestures are often influenced by religion. Muslims wish each other by bowing their heads down and raising a cupped palm to the forehead. Hindus touch the toes of their elders. However, some actions are characteristically Indian. For example, if someone unknowingly stamps on another's feet or belongings, he immediately touches first his chest and then the forehead as a mark of respect.
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Given such influences, can body language actually be used to change behavior or personality? Joe Rodrigues owner of Breakthrough Communication Services, India, says: "If certain actions are unseemly or rude, I suggest the concerned person change them. I have seen executives snapping their fingers to catch the waiter's attention... Since they are used to doing it, they fail to see its demeaning nature." This probably accounts for the growing popularity of personality development classes, both in Indian and abroad. A major part of these classes deals with body language. And the emphasis is primarily on the outer personality of the individual, keeping in mind a corporate work ethos.
But can a modification of body language adversely affect your inner personality? Perhaps not, provided the technique used is holistic. T'ai chi, for example, takes care not to suppress the inner self in order to portray a better image. It represents the spiritual side of exercise and helps us acknowledge our own inner strength and capacity. Even yoga tries to harmonize the body, mind and spirit. In fact, our entire body is an organization of energy, which can be purified and rejuvenated through such holistic techniques. And if the internal self is positive, it is bound to reflect in external postures and gestures.
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ABC OF BODY LANGUAGE
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Arms crossed
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Defensive and cautious.
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The individual brings hand to his face, puts his chin in the palm and extends his index finger along his cheek. Remaining fingers are positioned below the mouth. In this gesture, the body is drawn back from other individuals.
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The thought patterns are critical, cynical and negative towards the other person.
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Dropping eyeglasses onto the lower bridge of the nose and peering over them.
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Causes negative reactions in others.
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Slowly and deliberately taking off glasses and carefully cleaning the lens.
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The person wants to pause and think before raising opposition or asking for clarification.
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Pinching bridge of the nose.
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This gesture, usually accompanied with closed eyes, communicates great thought and concern. Nose-rubbing or nose-touching: A sign of doubt, it often reveals a negative reaction.
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Rubbing around ears.
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Performed while weighing an answer, commonly coupled with 'well, I don't know'.
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Putting one leg over the arm of a chair, pulling a desk drawer out and placing a foot on it, or resting feet on a desk or chair.
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Gestures of territorial hegemony.
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Swaying back.
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Weak ego.
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Retracted shoulders.
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Suppressed anger.
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